Where porn is weird and sanity doesn't exist!

To end the lube discussion, let’s just say this: if you wouldn’t stick it up your butt as lube, don’t make the characters do it and I think we’re good

Anonymous asked: Um, I remember one with ice cubes, but does that count as horrible/unusual? I mean it's not /that/ shocking, but... ICE. UP THE BUTT. ICE.

lmao I wrote one like that once but yes that counts

and also ow has anyone actually tried putting ice anywhere down near your naughty bits it actually hurts I advise against it

Anonymous asked: Wine. And it was such a great fic otherwise.... /crey

wine is probably one of the tamer items sighs

Anonymous asked: Gasoline.

I’M GOING TO CRY

Anonymous asked: The did it on the breakfast table AND THEY USED MAPLE SYRUP

I’VE READ LIKE THREE OR FOUR LIKE THAT OMG I HATE IT THAT WOULDN’T MAKE YOUR BUTT ANY EASIER TO FUCK IT WOULD STICK YOUR BUTT TOGETHER

I AM ASSUMING THIS WAS USED ON CANADA- CANADA’S BUTT HAS BEEN STUCK TOGETHER BY MAPLE SYRUP

Anonymous asked: Blood.

sadly this one’s common shudders

Anonymous asked: ... melted sugar

rewindingapocalypse asked: Melted chocolate. And another time ink BUT LETS NOT TALK ABOUT THAT.

I need to find that master post of things that says like ‘things used as lube: lube’ and ‘things not to be used as lube: everything under the fucking sun that people seen to find’

Anonymous asked: hand soap

BUT THAT’S AN EMERGENCY ENEMA

Quick everyone send in asks telling us what the worst thing they’ve ever seen used as lube as been; as I’ve said before, ice cream was the worst it’s gotten for me